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Dec. 30th, 2017

green tub

The Ropes of Not Killing Yourself

A lot of people hang themselves with ropes.  I might do that.  That could definitely happen.  I've been adamant that I would.

Yesterday was a bad day.  Today can be better.  Today there is yoga, which to me seems like a weird philosophical exercise regimen that embraces paradox, and paradox is basically the only language I understand at this point.

There is a girl who commented on one of my journal entries that I've since made private about committing suicide by introducing a toxin into my body.  I'd like to thank her here in case I don't see one of her journal entries scroll by.  I'll probably thank her in her journal, as well, honestly, but I want to thank her now, too, even though I am not sure what her handle is.  Anyway, thank you to the girl who posted a very heartfelt and well thought-out post about why I shouldn't kill myself.

I have to think of my life like a game and strategize accordingly.  <insert name here>, who I've just met and freaks me out but is totally alright says: The point of most games is to distract and entertain. Don't you do that already?  It's just another word for planning.

Constantly unfreezing the pipes.

Dec. 19th, 2017

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"I'm going to go after the thing I most admire, and I'm going to destroy it, and I'm going to do that despite its cost to me, and I'm going to do that just to spite the creator of being.

That's exactly what Harris did.

... people say all the time, 'I don't understand how that could happen.'

I don't believe that.  I think an hour of real thought about your darkest feelings about existence itself illuminates the pathway to that sort of behavior quite clearly.

To take the sins of mankind onto yourself is to understand that within you dwells exactly the same spirit that committed the atrocities at Columbine or that ran the camps at Auschwitz and to actually understand that that's part and parcel of your makeup, and then to take responsibility for it, and I think after the aftermath of the terrible 20th century, that's what we're left with.  We're left with the necessity to take responsibility for the most terrible aspects of ourselves, and that way perhaps we can stop those terrible things from happening again."

Aug. 5th, 2016

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(no subject)

I just got out of a work shift. Sometimes it's really hard not to cry in public. My nose was running because I was thinking about some really awful things and how bad the world is and how it's hard to make peace with my life so I was sniffling a lot and now I'm crying in the car. The last half hour seemed to last forever. I feel completely powerless and like I have no control over my own life. I feel like I've been through a lot more than most people have and some days it's just really hard to not break down in tears right in front of everyone. It feels like everyone close to me is waging war with me and I have nowhere to turn. I feel like I've been everyone's whipping girl. It's hard to bear this without giving in and crying.

Jan. 13th, 2016

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(no subject)

Deodorant shmeoderant

Oct. 27th, 2015

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Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey - karaoke series

As requested by @iamkellyflynn, this is Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey as part of my karaoke video series.

You can view all of my karaoke videos on my YouTube channel and through Facebook.

Fun fact: my dad’s name is Jim.

Casual karaoke is therapeutic for me and I’m having a lot of fun with it. Please feel free to give me a request!

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/kathryndearborn?ty=h
Twitter: https://twitter.com/GorgeousFace

Oct. 18th, 2015

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This journal is full of horrible stories. I might add you to read if you comment.

Feb. 1st, 2014

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(no subject)


Jul. 20th, 2012

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(no subject)

Super serial internet Casanova
comments on your journal, yeah, really gets to know ya

Jul. 19th, 2012

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The Dead Things We Are Made Of


New song coming out very soon for which I wrote, performed, and produced the vocals.  http://www.sefiros.co.uk for more info.

May. 5th, 2012

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(no subject)

Practicing my German at 3 AM.

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